I fell in love with an older man (he 40, me 19) many years ago. He was an intinerant teacher, with an artists’ soul. It seemed he was driven by something deeper than I could ever understand, with a deep seated sadness that I now understand comes from being worn out by life, perhaps not knowing what is next, feeling age creeping up on oneself, being lonely. I crashed into love without even realizing what it was that frightened and thrilled me and was so rooted that to this day I still love him. I hope I showed him while he was alive.
I would have been braver had I told him.
I would have been braver had I spoken up.
But I will never regret loving him.
Diary of an American 
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